At one phase of life or another, most all of us come to a
point in life where we need to have a "Come to Jesus" meeting with
ourselves. For someone who had always been in control of every situation
that arose, I found myself completely out of control of everything. My
life seemed to be a failure at everything I had tried to do for those most important
to me. I no longer could reign
in my children and prove to them what I felt, in my heart, was right and good for
their future. I couldn't fix their problems, no matter how I tried. Although I hated moving, I could not predict that next
year I would live in the same house, be able to grow a garden, become involved in
activities, and commit myself to anything permanent. For whatever reasons, I had built a wall of
resentment and hurt around myself and vowed to never let anything or anyone
ever hurt me again. I had to have my
meeting.
My wonderful doctor in Atlanta knew I was in
trouble. He encouraged me to seek counseling and guidance from a
psychiatrist, but made me promise that I would allow him to find me
the best doctor he could locate in the whole metro area. I
wasn't disappointed in his choice. A lovely woman, near my same
age, who changed my future and my outlook in life forever.
It's important to get to know ourselves first.
Otherwise, how can you possibly assist others. A regime of weekly
appointments, reading about controlling factors, and finding
appropriate medication followed. I learned that, no matter what, I was
not going to be able to change the future for anybody. I learned it
wasn't important if everything didn't match when I served a meal to guests, or
had sterling silver flatware, or if the dishes weren't washed and put away
immediately; that my own health was primary; that I needed to explore outside
activities that pleased me, not everyone else. And most of
all, I learned to laugh and I wasn't a bad parent or wife, after all, but
I was an enabler because I cared so much I needed to control.
My "Come to Jesus" meeting about
myself and my outlook on life, changed my future. It took some time, but
eventually I was back on the map and there for whoever needed me and asked, but
I now knew my limitations and where to draw the line in the sand regarding
behavior.
