Sunday, November 17, 2013

PRICELESS MEMORIES

Every now and then, I burst out laughing at some weird moment – like while I’m in the shower or blow drying my hair.  You know, one of those times when your mind is wandering around and you think, “Why on earth did I think of that” kind of time.   Now, I savor those times when I can remember little things that I’ve tucked back in my memory and completely forgotten  because for the life of me, if someone had asked me about them, I couldn’t have told them a straight story.  But when they flash in my mind while I'm standing naked in the shower or some other inopportune time, I’m real tempted to run through the house to my computer to write it down so I’ll never forget it again.  It’s a priceless memory! 

Priceless memories…….Remember shy boy?  Well, we’ve been married 57 years now.  On a very hot August day, not long after my eighteenth birthday, my Daddy walked me down the aisle of the First Methodist Church where I was baptized at eight years old.  As we started into the sanctuary, Daddy looked at me and said, “Baby, it’s not too late to back out – are you sure?”  I smiled back and said, “I’m sure”….…….

As we rattled down the road at 90 miles an hour with tin cans behind our borrowed car and unknown to us, dead fish tied to the motor of the car,  we headed to Atlanta for a two day honeymoon with $50 in our pockets..  We came home with $11.    We had everything figured out and because we loved each other, thought that was enough to make our world complete

Well, let me tell you, we didn’t have everything figured out and loving each other didn’t cut it on making our world complete.  Far from it.  If anybody ever tries to tell you that love is all you need, you might want to steer clear of their marital advice. 


Almost ten months later thinking I had eaten too much watermelon, the most adorable, very hairy, 8 ½ lb.  baby boy appeared, complete with ten fingers and toes and blue eyes.  Not at all what I had secretly asked for! (A baby boy that looked like my little brother) but equally as beautiful.  I was like a mother hen!  I rocked and kissed and sang to that baby constantly,     I dressed him in the precious hand made baby clothes Mom had made for my brother and passed along to me.  Priceless memories…

Twenty months later, #2, an 8 lb 11 oz, bald head bundle of joy appeared.  Once again, we dressed this sweetheart in the now frayed handmade diaper shirts and long gowns made of batiste and lace.  No rocking and cuddling would do for this one, however.  I tried, but he wanted no part of that.  He did his own thing rocking on his all fours in the crib.  By the time he could mount on his all fours, he was rocking that crib from one side of the room to the other.  No pacifier, no walking the floor, no singing, no cooing, nothing seemed to soothe the constant movement and colic.  In the meantime, #1 child was underneath the crib with #2’s bottle watching the crib whiz by.   When #2 learned to walk at eight months, yes, eight months old, the two of them would start inside one end my kitchen cabinets and ramble through the pots and pans to the other end, a distance of some 10 ft or so. 

As they grew, their energy knew no bounds.  They could figure out how to do anything.  Once, #1 decided to see if he could clean up #2, so he placed him in the washing machine and turned it on.  Screaming, #2 yells for help and I come running to find him holding on for dear life as he swishes back and forth in my new Kenmore.   Priceless memories…..

Then there was the time when they stuffed the paper in the furnace where the pilot light burned.  My Mom happened to be baby sitting at the time and thought the house was on fire.  The fire department wasn’t amused. 

And who could forget how proud I was of my four year when he could recite the Pledge of Allegiance at Ms. Duffy’s kindergarten.  “I pledge allegiance to the flag of the nunited states of the merica and to the republic for which it stands one nation under guard with liverty and justice for all”.  ……….  Priceless memories…….

Of course, there was #2’s first broken arm that we didn’t know was broken, and the second one that we did know was broken which grew back bowed.  The time he escaped from school in the 3rd grade and was half way across town before we finally caught him.  He allowed as how his desk stunk and he didn’t like that school!

Snow balls with rocks in them, gasoline on frogs, skipping school, and a whole lot of other unmentionables fall into the category of priceless memories as well.  Just because they are priceless doesn’t always mean they have to be good memories.  It simply means that they served a purpose in my life and they are tucked away never to be forgotten.

After seven years with two rambunctious boys, we were blessed with a beautiful baby girl.  The boys were so proud of their little sister and told the whole neighborhood of her new developments before I could!  Naturally, she wanted to do everything they did.  Typical little “tom boy”. 

Leotards and tutu’s were not her style.  I can see her now with the leotards inching down her legs and her fussing about having to wear them.  We enrolled her in dance classes hoping that would entice her to become “lady like”.  That was a hoot!  Leotards falling down with tutu’s and scarves flowing on the stage was definitely worth the price of admission.  But she was my little girl!  ……..


I’ll never forget the time the discussion somehow came up about telling lies and the fact that people burned in hell and four year old Teresa burst out in tears…..”You never TOLD me that!”  Or when Mom thanked her for something and she politely says "Don't mention it!"  And the time she said "Momma, have you got feathers?" which I'll leave at that is the best story ever!   Priceless memories…… 

When she was in 1st grade, she would watch the neighbors across the street play tennis.  When she saw them go to the court, she’d run get her brother’s racket, run across the street to the courts, and sit on the benches watching.  They would see her and usually ask her to come hit some balls with them when they finished.  She would go on to be on the tennis team in high school.    Softball, soccer, any sport was right up her alley.   My little girl wanted no part of the fluffy stuff!  


Family time was almost nonexistent.  What shy boy and I didn’t have figured out was how to raise three children on that $11 we came home with from our honeymoon.  He was working all the time and I worked outside the home as well.  It was necessary to maintain the lifestyle we wanted for ourselves and the children.  We moved many times due to job changes and each time was supposed to make life better and give us more time together in the big scheme of things.   It didn’t happen that way.  Years flew by and the children grew up and now have families of their own.   I wonder how their lives might be different today if our choices, as parents, had been different for them growing up.   


Now, fifty seven years later, memories are just that.  But they are priceless.  The good ones and the bad ones.   I laugh spontaneously at the good ones and grieve at the bad ones.  There are many things that I would do differently as a parent if I had an opportunity to go back in time.   My hope is that somehow amid all the things that got overlooked and I didn’t do right, the one thing my children will always know is that I love them more anything else and they'll always be my special gifts from God..

Saturday, November 2, 2013

MENTOR OR MEDDLER

I’ve made some wise decisions in my adult life and I’ve made some not so wise ones.  Sometimes, no matter how hard you try or how much you plan, your decision turns out to be a bad one.  And sometimes, no matter how much you think it is not going to be a good decision, it turns out to be a blessing in disguise. 

One of my decisions that became a great blessing in my life involved becoming a mentor to a local lady in a nursing home who had no family or friends who regularly visited.    I decided to try and give back some love and care to an elderly person who was lonely like my Mom had been when she was in a nursing home.  I remember how she had looked forward to the visits of the local people who stopped in once in a while. 

I came to love Mrs. P, who was grouchy and never smiled, but peeped through one eye when she thought I wasn’t watching to see if I was still there.   She was so lonely and always called for me when she had to go to the hospital.  She did have some family, but they didn’t live close by so she never had many visits unless I went to see her.  Sometimes I’d take her for a ride or sometimes take her an ice cream but usually took her a treat of some kind.  She didn’t say so, but I think she looked forward to it even if it wasn’t anything but a peppermint candy. I visited her for years but when I became ill myself, I wasn’t able to visit regularly and felt really bad.  I wondered what she must have felt about me not being there since she couldn’t, or wouldn’t, communicate with anyone. 

When I finally resumed visiting her, she was very ill and passed away just before her 100th birthday.  I went to her room to visit her and it was empty.  No one had called me to tell me.  I felt like I had been hit in the stomach.  As it turned out, I was able to go to her funeral that very day.  I received letters from the extended family thanking me and letting me know how much she loved me.   What a blessing she was to my life.

Becoming involved in local government was not in my best interests.  Apparently my desire to become an informed citizen immediately labeled me as a “meddler” as was evidenced by a letter saying I was “harassing” the clerk.  Not good.  Clearly, I was in uncharted waters asking for information that nobody had ever asked for or received before.  How could I help plan to make things better without knowing what went wrong in the past?  Facts, figures, records, are the only things you have to go on.     

It isn’t my nature to give up or to turn my head if I see something wrong that I could make right.  I don’t believe that laws are written to apply to specific people unless it is spelled out that way and for good reason.  I believe tax payers have a right to say how their money should be spent and that transparency is essential, and a right.  Some might not agree with me and what a pity that friendships become shattered over differences of philosophy.  It shouldn’t be this way.  Maybe I am a “meddler” if these things are wrong.  


I’m going to count this experience as a blessing too.  I learned so much during my year and a half as a council person.  Serving in any form of government is an honor not to be taken lightly!  And no one, absolutely no one,  should make it a career!